Chapter 9.2

Eirwen looked at Pertrellan in disbelief. Did she actually just say that? "Forgive him? Vicomtesse, what do y-"

"Eirwen," Bethan interrupted, "we've known you all your life. Let's drop the titles for a bit and just listen to us, okay? You can complain after." Pertrellan nodded her agreement, while Eirwen just looked in disbelief. "And no, we don't mean to just forgive and forget and pretend the past years never happened. But you shouldn't just keep holding everything against him. At some point, you need to move on."

Even if she had been able to keep up her mask right now, Eirwen honestly didn't feel like it. "He plotted my kidnapping, and I should just move on? Have you lost your mind? Have you both lost your minds? What is this about?" She looked at the two in shock.

"Okay, see, this? This is exactly what we mean. Because you're still stuck, you lose your self-control. You snarl at him, snarl at us, blame people for listening to him, yet the next moment you tell him to pass on orders to us. You want to move on, repair things with him, but at the same time you can't let go of the hurt. You're keeping an infection under your skin, instead of dressing your wounds properly."

Pertrellan joined in. "Look, Eirwen, we need a proper chain of command. Either he's in it, or he's not. But when you make him ask for your horse, then frown at people for listening to his instructions, your flags are contradicting themselves. Please let him help you. You can still be mad at him, we all know he deserves that. But you can't just keep changing it up. Right now you're just setting us at six and seven."

"Not just us," Bethan grumbled to Pertrellan. "The lad also keeps tearing himself apart over things. First the two of them conspire to beat up every knight that wants to kill him, then he ends up in tatters over it. They fight, make up, fight again, at this point he's lost more battles to her than in the entire war."

"Okay, that's enough from the two of you." To be honest, Eirwen wanted to be mad at them, but they just spelled out her own doubts. Guilt and shame every time she went too far, trying to justify it, at the same time regretting the way she was turning him away from her. "As much as I'd like to just get along with him, it's hard when every day I encounter yet another secret he kept from me. So what can I possibly do about that?"

The two looked at each other and shrugged. Pertrellan spoke. "He swore himself to you, didn't he? Dedicated his entire life to you. What right does he have to hold secrets, to keep loyalty towards others, when he pledged eternal servitude? Now do not misunderstand me. Purely ordering him isn't the way to go. But you should stop holding back for his sake. It is his duty to answer your questions. He doesn't get to make decisions for you."

Bethan nodded before chiming in herself. "I do have to add one thing there. I personally think he shouldn't keep secrets from others either." She gestured at the portraits and maps. "This kind of thing is something that will forever be a burden if not released. So I believe we should be open about it, so that he can move on from it, make amends for it. It is not my place to make that decision, Eirwen, but it would be my recommendation."

Eirwen leaned back in the chair, looking up at the ceiling. "There is sense in what you're saying. But then what would I do next? Even if there are no more secrets, after he gets to make amends, then what?" She sighed. Treat him as an advisor? Cut him loose? Make him stay by her side as she led her territories, found a partner, raised an heir? She could already imagine the heartbreak he'd be hiding from his face.

When she looked back at the pair, a frown grew on her face. They were smirking. Pertrellan subtly, Bethan obvious. Of course it was the healer who responded. "Oh, I would say you should just decide what you want from him. How close you want him to guard you, day and night."

The implication was obvious, bringing a blush to Eirwen's face. "Bethan!" The healer laughed out loud, while the Vicomtesse chuckled, clearly agreeing with the suggestion. "No, that... He's nameless!" And that really was the best objection she could make? Weak form, Eirwen.

"And no noble ever raised a bastard? Besides, if that was a problem, you could just knight him whenever you have a good excuse for it. You wouldn't be the first noble to choose a personal knight as partner. Lord of the bedchamber and all that." She actually cackled after that, while Eirwen buried her head in her hands, trying in vain to hide the blush that was crawling up to her ears, before she just gave up and slammed the desk.

"Alright, enough! I'll take your advice in consideration. Now out!" The two left the room laughing, much to the confusion of the doorguards. Eirwen was left behind, trying to get her face back under control. Her thoughts began to ran wild, thinking of the possibilities. But no, first they had to get the secrets out of the way. She returned to investigating the portraits, making sure she knew what all was hidden in there.

By the time she made it about midway through the stacks, Vicomtesse Pertrellan returned with the treasury ledgers. Apparently they had simply been left inside the treasury, with recent additions made to them. Eirwen took a quick glance and sighed. Ah, so that was what he had been hiding from her. The nobles had taken significant amounts from the treasury. As she looked in detail, she began to realise just how measured they had been.

"Vicomtesse, please arrange some food and have a meal with me. I'm going to lose my mind if I keep going through paperwork without company." A short while later and both were enjoying their food, talking about various subjects while carefully avoiding the subject of Eirwen's unnamed advisor. Being teased once was enough for her.

Pertrellan joined her in going through the ledgers, comparing it to knowledge of their own. The books painted an interesting picture. It suggested that almost every ransom payment they had made, had made their way to the Flameheart treasury. And the way things had been booked, it was supposed to represent all they had ever paid.

Eirwen sighed. "I'm going to have to talk to the Carraigs for a bit about this. And show them the paperwork that Aodhán held on them. The two of you are right, it is too great a secret to keep. Better to bleed the wound and treat it properly, rather than letting it fester. Could you call them over? I want to get this over with."

"Yes, your Grace." The Vicomtesse bowed then went off. Eirwen spread her senses, covering the entirety of the estate once more. The Flameheart guards stood outside, manning the gate and guarding the walls. Her own troops were partially resting, partially patrolling. The staff busy with who knows what. Ailbe and Aoife were in the war room, sharing information with two of her knights. Pertrellan arrived soon after, sending the two over towards her.

When they were let inside, Eirwen simply showed them their portraits. As they looked on, confused, she flipped them over. While the two were reading, she applied heat, then cold, to make the hidden messages appear. She saw the two grow pale as they recognised the handwriting and realised just what this all meant.

Eirwen sighed as Aoife looked at her in heartbreak, a feeling she understood very well. "If it makes you feel any better, mine includes how to keep me alive in captivity. And with the two of you, he purely thought up ways to disable or escape you. Some of these," and she gestured at the stacks of portraits, "are focused on killing. It seems that he plotted against everyone on both sides. The only ones he didn't cover, are his father and his personal guard."

It only somewhat lessened the sadness in Aoife's eyes, but Eirwen had faith the woman would recover over time. She saw mostly hurt in Ailbe's eyes as he spoke up. "Your Grace, may I ask why you are showing us this?" To the point, good.

"No more secrets. That's why. The war made monsters of us all, so we should face that first, so that we can become human once more. Let us understand the past but put it aside. Which reminds me, Vicomte, a question." She slanted her head. "What did you use the money for?"

His eyes flashed towards the ledger, shame on his face. But also understanding. She wanted a brief answer, just to understand him, not to punish him. "We have been suffering maintenance delays on most of our defences, your Grace. Part of the money has been used to arrange materials and tradespeople, so we can be ready to do our duty. The rest has been put aside to replenish our treasury for now, so we have funds at hand in case of urgent matters."

Eirwen nodded. "Thank you. You are dismissed. Oh, but one last thing for you two." She gestured at the portraits. "I've gone through a lot of these already, so I am starting to be able to tell the differences. When it comes to your reports, I can feel the shame he felt as he wrote up those tactics. There aren't many that he felt ashamed about, and only on my own can I tell he felt worse."

She saw the two suppress tears as they bowed in gratitude before exiting, leaving her alone with her thoughts once more. She sighed as she looked between the stacks and the books. Quite frankly, she was exhausted from constantly manipulating her mana so carefully, and she had already found the most important portraits. Treasury ledgers it was, to find a hint of how financially stable the territories were right now. Though truth be told, it was nothing more than a distraction until she could talk to him. For now, it was better to take a break once more.