Chapter 10.2

He looked at her, wondering. Eirwen noticed there was pride in his expression, but also confusion. She sighed. "Close the doors. So tell me, advisor, what is on your mind?"

He waited for the doors to be closed before he replied. "Honestly, I feel like I've missed something while I was asleep. Your behaviour today is quite unlike yesterday. But I don't think I'm allowed to ask why."

"That's right, you're not. But I will answer all the same. I am done with secrets. So I told Aoife and Ailbe that you're still alive. And after I discovered your spy reports, I handed them the info you had on them." She saw him grimace. "Aoife showed up in a white surcoat. That fact alone earned her the right to know how well you had prepared against them."

Oh, that actually got to him. Surprise, hurt, shame. It seemed even he had a blind spot when it came to Aoife's feelings. "But don't worry, I told them your preparations against me were worse, so I doubt they'll take it too personal. Still, if you want to make amends, I suggest you get ready to train people in resolving the very weaknesses you identified in them."

"That... Sounds fair, your Grace. I will see how I can contribute. And on that matter, let's go back to your question. I gave the council three orders. The first was to take a fifth of the treasury for the people. The second was to take a fifth of the treasury for themselves. You know the third, to mourn me if they must. Then I left, and I am happy that they followed my orders well."

She moved to speak, but he rose a hand to stop her. "Let me explain my intent, your Grace. No more guessing games. The people have suffered under the war, so I wanted the council to relieve their burden. Arrange food, housing, doctors, hired hands to aid when injuries and deaths have caused damage. That is why they had to use the money to help the people."

He leaned back against the couch again, both hands behind him, holding him up. "As for the council, they too have lost a lot over the war. So they could use that money in many ways. One of them would be to allow them to flee, make sure they are outside your grasp. I gave them that chance, to either run or submit to your fair judgement. I don't know for sure what choices they all made. I suspect not all will have chosen the best option."

And here they circled back to their original agreement. He had asked her to treat the nobles fairly. Not demanded, it was no part of the deal they had made. And the council had prepared for it. "You told them what you were going to ask of me." A nod. "And one suggested I would harm you, which you disagreed with." Another nod. "You held your eyes open, though. Ready to face death. Did you really believe I might kill you?" She couldn't keep the hurt out of her voice.

His smile was sad in turn. "Only if I had closed them. If I had done that, if I had shown you that I knew you would never hurt me, there was a very small chance that in fury you would have had me killed. And while it was your right, I couldn't bare the thought of you trying to live with that. So I kept my eyes open and broke your heart instead."

"I would never have-"

"Eirwen." Just yesterday she had told him not to call her by her name. And now he still used it, the ultimate move to stop her. The sad part was that it worked. As she thought that, he shook his head at her. "You've lashed out at me a lot these past days. And I've deserved it, all of it. But it goes to show that the chance existed. And as small as it was, I couldn't bare the thought of hurting you like that. Because even now, you mean the world to me. So I'd rather break your heart than break your spirit."

He looked up at the ceiling, or more like he looked past it, at something only he could see. Opened his mouth, closed it again. Walked to the windowsills, sat in one, patted the spot next to him. The pain in his eyes said he was trying to gain the courage to tell her something. She knew she could have just demanded an answer. Instead she found herself walking over, sit next to him. She looked at him, waiting for him to continue. He looked at the ceiling again and managed to find his courage.

"I just couldn't hurt you. It actually cost me a battle twice, because the winning move would have gotten too close to hurting you. My father knew, of course. Hated it. Knew that all my excuses were just that. It all went against his expectations. He actually thought that if he pressured me enough, I would invade your territory, lose a thousand men to kill two thousand more, capture you, unify the territories. That is what he had gambled on, and he was furious that he was losing that bet."

He looked at the table and took a deep breath. "He snapped that day. Told me he had made the wrong choice. That if he'd known I was so useless when it came to dealing with you, he would have had you murdered instead of your parents. Walked away from me, shouting that he could still rectify that mistake."

There was a wry smile on his face. "The entire council was present, and half a dozen guards. He knew, drunk as he was, that I could never attack him fast enough. That he could take me on if I fought him barehanded. And that the rest would stop me if I drew a weapon. But he didn't know the lesson I learned in the mountains, that if you're desperate enough, anything can be a weapon."

He held his hand out as if it were a knife. "And if it is a weapon, you can make it cut." He called upon his abilities, Verglassed his hand. She saw the shimmer around it, realising that yes, that could cut. The doors burst open, her doorguards concerned, their eyes opening wide as they saw his hand. She held up her own, gesturing them to stay and wait. Ignoring them, he continued. "Of course like this, at best I could have nicked his spine. But I could do better than that."

She saw the shimmering blue blade stretch out, giving him extra reach. He bent over a bit towards the table, where a pot held one of her favourite flowers. No doubt arranged by him. His hand softly moved towards a stem, gently. The extended blade cut through the stem effortlessly, so sharp the stem didn't even resist. He let go of the technique, then reached over with his left hand and picked up the flower.

He turned to Eirwen, carefully putting it behind her right ear. "He never saw it coming." He smiled at the flower, what she looked like, adoration dominating his eyes, contrasting his grim tale. "And while his head was still blinking on the floor, I had already stepped over his corpse and claimed his throne. Gave out my orders, to secure the estate, protect the future of my people, make sure plenty of gold remained for you to claim."

He grimaced, shame and regret coming to the surface. "And well, you know the rest. I picked up Crimson and rode to you, planning my surrender and trying to figure out what I would do after. Honestly, I probably decided almost immediately, but second guessed myself until the very last moment. Until I knelt before you. Until there was no way back."

They sat next to each other in silence, alone with their thoughts, not even paying attention to their onlookers. Eventually she reached a conclusion of what she wanted to ask him. "So is that it? No more secrets?'

He got back on his feet and turned to her, a familiar weeping smile on his face. "Just the one we discussed in the carriage. But we're not ready for that one, not yet. I do think we're getting there. Is that okay as the final secret?" She nodded. "Good. And yes, no more secrets or surprises. I'll answer any question you have for me, and if I think you're about to get surprised, I will tell you what I know. Anything you'd like to ask right now?"

He offered her a hand, which she gladly took as she too got back on her feet. Their grip lingered for a while, until she finally shook it off. She looked at him, at those eyes filled with love, but also self-loathing. Yes, there was one question she could think of. But that one she didn't even have to ask. Of course he still loved her. She chose another. "You know I love you, right, as much as I hate you still?" His eyes opened in shock. Then he nodded. Liar. He had doubted it. She could tell from the relief in his eyes.

Eirwen silently moved back to the desk, sat down, and returned to the piles of spy reports. "Give me a hand with these, please. It's a nightmare to manipulate the hidden text for every single one of them."

"Yes, your Grace!" He came over and helped, using his abilities to show all the texts, allowing her to look through the documents and memorise them before burning most. As they went through the piles, she would occasionally ask a question, which he would answer without hesitation. And like the day before, both of them were slowly beginning to smile, though this time they actually noticed.