Chapter 13.3

Lady Róisín took little time to follow Eirwen's order. Only a few counts to pass on commands, then off she went. Eirwen mentally ordered the doorguards to let her in once she arrived, wanting to make sure no time was wasted. The longer the weapon master wallowed, the deeper he might sink.

When the majordoma entered, Eirwen made sure to keep herself in control. Emotions mostly slid behind her mask, only letting frustration peek past for now. Róisín bowed politely then spoke. "Your Grace. What do you need me for?"

 "The short version is that my weapon master has lost his mind and I need you to talk sense into him." Eirwen wanted to say more, but restrained herself from oversharing. She kept her mask in place, just frustration being joined by a touch of longing.

"Of course, your Grace. But I will need more details on the situation, so that I can prepare the conversation well. The young master always was stubborn, so it's best to get ahead of things." Of course she had already realised. The woman had always been very bright.

In response, Eirwen sighed deeply, then blushed as she tried to describe events. "Yesterday, we almost crossed the line. I imagine if we hadn't ceased our kiss, I would have woken up in the library this morning. Then less than a day later, he rejects me entirely, obsessed by his guilt. No amount of pleading that I needed him, not his martyrdom, could change his mind. I am hoping you can reach him better."

"I see. Given the mana usage yesterday, I imagine both of you wielded fire-based abilities beforehand?" Eirwen nodded. Róisín took a moment to process the information, then verified. "Permission to speak truly freely, your Grace?"

Eirwen buried her head in her hands, only remembering to look up for showing the needy despair in her eyes. "Honestly, Lady Róisín, I'm desperate enough that I think I can shrug off almost every word you might throw at me. In fact, I am more likely to knight you than to blame you right now. Please, do your worst."

The woman's eyes turned somewhat kind as she looked at Eirwen. A look she had only rarely seen before, as Lady Róisín had almost always kept her face expressionless. "The two of you are both incredible fools, your Grace. When it comes to each other, you both either do not think things through, or overthink things to the point of disaster."

Fair. Eirwen nodded, acknowledging the description. She could easily point at half a dozen moments the past days that proved the majordoma right. Róisín continued. "When it comes to us common folk, relationships work different, of course. But an important thing for us is that after a longer relationship ends, one should avoid rushing into a new one. The longer the relationship, the more time one should take to find oneself first."

Ah. She hadn't thought about it like that. A sympathetic smile appeared on Róisín's face. "The two of you were betrothed for ten years, during which your childhood crushes grew to intense love. Then came over four years of the war, where constantly having to deal with each other meant you never could get over each other. And now, mere days later, while you're still secretly mourning him, the two of you tried to rush things. Blockheaded fools, the both of you. No wonder you're overreacting, when neither of you take your time."

A similar comparison came to Eirwen's mind. "Bethan said that my mental wounds need proper recovery time as much as serious physical wounds do. I guess heartbreak is a comparable situation."

"That is a good comparison, your Grace. Additionally, the young master has been possessed by guilt for years. That too is a mental wound that requires time to recover from, one that will never fully heal. Those scars, along with your own, contribute to your rushed decisions. So I would argue that both of you need to take things slower. Which combines poorly with the usage of fire."

Eirwen idly tapped the desk as she thought that through. "That is a problem. He is a valuable asset, who has already been tasked with training my knights. And I too want to learn from him, so that I can better defend my rule over both dukedoms. Pushing myself is part of that, as is talking to him. But as you rightly point out, if both of us struggle with self-control due to heightened emotions, taking it slow will be incredibly complicated."

"Then you may need to find ways to unleash your frustrations another way, your Grace. Unfortunately that is outside my field of expertise. Ironically, the young master might have some useful advice for you. He has been restraining himself for over two decades now, not once fully letting himself go wild."

Eirwen returned to tapping the desk. It felt weird, not fully masking her emotions, but she required the focus on her thoughts. "Thank you, Lady Róisín. You have given me a lot to think about. I hope you can talk some sense into the weapon master. While you try so, I will take my own time to evaluate my own role in this situation."

The majordoma bowed wordlessly, then went back to her expressionless face as she left the room. Eirwen chuckled mildly in response to how both had put their masks aside just a bit to accommodate each other. Then she turned back to her thoughts. Lady Róisín had made a good point. If both of them were suffering from heightened emotions, especially lust would be a problem. There were obvious solutions to that, which people of their standing would sometimes use, but she wasn't sure if she was comfortable with those.

Her standing, she mentally corrected herself. He had no such thing. A position in the chain of command, sure, but no actual standing. He was at the level of a normal servant, his usefulness countered by his namelessness. In that case, there were more options. But those made her stomach turn from jealousy. Eirwen thought through options for a while, until she found some that only mildly hurt her heart.

It was already hours later when she became aware of a presence at her door. She frowned. Even if Lady Róisín had had a good word with him, wasn't this far too soon for him to properly make up his mind? She hadn't kept a detailed eye on him, as to let the majordoma work her magic, but she didn't trust him right now. Nor herself. Better to let him wait until the next evening. She did her best to ignore him, leaving him to wait, without the doorguards even bothering to knock on the door.

"Mo Chroí."

Eirwen paused. Okay, that was unfair. She already struggled when he used her name. For him to now call her his heart, mere hours after he had addressed her formally, instantly broke her resolve.

Enter.

She didn't realise her mistake until she felt abilities flare up as he pushed open the doors, his skin reddened while blue swords tried to hold him back. Ah, she hadn't told the doorguards he could enter. Not that he cared, as he stepped in regardless of the weapons failing to cut his skin.

"It's fine, I allowed him to enter. You are excused." Instantly they removed the blades from his throat and released the Verglas technique. In turn, he dropped his defences. Not even a blemish on his skin. At this point, he was just showing off, making the amused smile on his face come across as smugness.

Once the doors closed, she studied him in detail. He felt amused, while joy overruled the guilt in his eyes. His stance wasn't the formal deferral from earlier that night, more loose and playful. It was making her hope, yet also fear for a moment where he would still break her heart once more.

"Speak."