Interlude: Chapter 7.5

I managed to keep myself busy for a while with handing out instructions. I would have claimed to be surprised by how nobody even questioned them, but carrying myself with confidence did a lot of the lifting there. Plus I knew Seren Pertrellan and Bethan were extremely worried about Eirwen, so they eagerly went along with me taking care of her.

But eventually I ran out of things to arrange, people to busybody around, distractions to throw myself at. It was time to take over from the guards at her door and sit quietly outside for hours. They understood why I came across as reluctant, sending me eyes of pity and just a bit of blame. With a nod they moved away, off to the kitchen and then a place to sleep. Now my only companions were my guilt and Llywelyn Caerbychan. Of the two, he was by far the better company.

Llywelyn stood guard, keeping both a physical and a mental eye on our surroundings. As for me, I simply sat down against the wall, one leg stretched, the other bent. This watch duty was purely symbolic, so the young knight could handle it just fine. Still, just in case, I held the sheathed sword in my lap. My instincts complained about not verifying its quality, but I could tell the smith purely from the handle. My instincts could go ride off into a rising river.

Llywelyn held himself well, while throwing his senses quite far. It was interesting to be able to observe him in detail. It was one thing to keep an eye on him at the other side of a battlefield, a whole other thing altogether to witness his abilities up close. At this point, I would rank him seventh in the list of threats to me. With some guidance, I could get him to fourth place.

The patrolling soldiers, on the other hand, weren't that impressive. Too focused on frowning at me to keep proper track of their surroundings. If it wasn't for the several knights that were paying decent attention all around the estate, I wouldn't have been sitting here so relaxed. But at least they didn't come by often. 

After the fourth time, Llywelyn shook his head at me as he quietly spoke. "You could at least stand up straight, it would be less provocative." I chuckled in response, while feeling glad he wasn't betraying my expectations, still paying attention to our surroundings.

"True, but if I did that, they'd be secretly worried about my intentions and drop by every few moments, rather than twice an hour. At least now they're taking some rest." I cracked my neck, my lazy position slowly getting to me. "Don't worry, they're not going to pick a fight right next to her."

The man sighed and shook his head. "I understand your point, but isn't that just you making even more decisions for others? That's how you ended up in trouble today, you know."

I stiffened. Walked right into that one. He had the guts to grin a bit as he saw my response, before chuckling. "I have to say, I was impressed. Rarely have I seen someone trip over their own sword that spectacularly, or seen a recovery that well. You could give lessons in both."

Ouch. Well, given the way I ended up getting him dragged into things, he had the right to taunt me a bit. "You think I recovered that situation? It really didn't feel that way to me."

"She felt ashamed, didn't she? Blew up at you, deservedly so, but still felt guilty over it once you explained yourself. Sounds like a good recovery to me. I wouldn't count on doing that too many times though, if I were you. Eventually, she might just grow numb to the guilt and give up on you."

My breath caught as he poked at one of my greatest fears. "I do deserve it, though. Can't really blame her."

"You're right. You cry wolf too much, so it's no surprise that she mistook the situation. I can't recommend it, though. You think you're helping her, but you're just keeping her in the dark. If you want to fix your relationship with her, shouldn't you put some faith in her and let her make her own decisions?"

He had a point. One I had considered multiple times already, but couldn't bring myself to. I wasn't going to give him the win quietly, though. "Given how she's the Duchess and I'm nameless, I don't think salvaging our relationship is actually possible."

"Yet you threw me a jealous look a few times already, and I'm but a knight. If you feel even remotely threatened by me, then you have to admit that even in your position, you can still fix things." I gave him a weak glare, to which he chuckled. "Besides, I would argue that that is her decision to make, not yours. So stop deciding things in her stead."

I grumbled. This was dangerous, because it was giving me hope, something I had been squashing for years now. "Why am I getting advice from a knight two years my junior, again?"

His eyes narrowed. Good, he caught on. "How do you know my age?"

"I have good spies. Had, I should say. I imagine that after Eirwen," my voice faltered a bit as I spoke her name, "after she finds their reports, most of them will lose their jobs. But yeah, I know some details about you." Like your little bastard brother. "And I have seen you at the battlefield a few times, so I also got to observe your skills a bit."

He snorted. "You managed to observe me from that large a distance? Remind me why I'm doing all the work here again?"

I threw him a raised eyebrow and a grin. "You haven't noticed yet?" This would serve well as a first lesson for him. Second, if I included what Eirwen had taught him a day ago. "There are currently four triplets of soldiers making their patrols. Two of them are chatting, one group is currently drinking water, and the fourth is sauntering past the private library right now. Most knights are resting, only five others are standing guard. Seren wanted them rested well for tomorrow, so she only employed the minimum she felt comfortable with right now."

I ignored his surprise and the way he was spreading his senses to confirm my claims. "There's still five servants awake, camping out in the storerooms and trying out all kinds of drinks. They're claiming they're sampling them for Eirwen's sake, but in reality they're anxious and need the mild buzz of the alcohol to sooth their nerves. They're getting tired, so I suspect they will call it a night within thirty moments."

No way for him to validate that, though he could at least get a decent inking if he focused enough on them. He didn't, though, making sure to keep his guard up still. Good. "The Flameheart guards are secretly patrolling outside the estate walls. So far they've encountered three drunk groups and sent them away, one with a beating. There's four more groups trying to build up the courage to come this way, only two of them will. The guards already know and are itching for the fight."

It was Llywelyn's turn to grumble. "I thought you weren't supposed to use your abilities? How far are you even observing?"

I flashed him a grin. "Doesn't count if only she knows. And I have yet to meet someone else who can catch onto me." He frowned but seemed to agree on both counts. "About sixty paces past the estate walls, by the way. I could do more, but that would be exhausting. This range I can keep up all night and still be in decent condition."

His breath caught on that. I decided to throw him a bone. The third lesson. "I am not sensing more than a hand past the door, if you want to compare and figure out how to tell." He hesitated, then withdrew his senses and focused them. A few counts later I saw the moment of clarity in his eyes.

"Oh, that's subtle indeed. There is no way I could catch onto that if I didn't know the exact thing I was looking for. And you're saying her Grace can detect you just fine?"

Oh yes. "I have never been able to hide from her. I'm more sneaky, but she's better at noticing. We used to be evenly matched in many ways, each other's perfect counter."

He frowned at that. He really was good at catching on. "Not any more, then?"

I hesitated, but no, he had the right to know. "No, not any more. Because she had to cage herself, while I was out there on the battlefield. When a few dozen people shout your name in rage and come for your life every week or so, well, I had no choice but to get better fast."

"Does she know?"

"No, I don't think so. If she had, she would have drawn her sword as well two days ago." Because, quite frankly, I think I could have won there. But saying that would be going too far.

"You should tell her. She can't use you properly if she doesn't know your current skills. You can't decide in her stead, you need to give her what she needs to know to wield you."

I sighed. "Okay, I yield. Congratulations, Sir Caerbychan, you win. Not many can claim that. You're right. Starting tomorrow afternoon, I will be open to her."

"Why not earlier?" He sounded like he doubted me, assuming I was already trying to delay the inevitable.

"Because she's going to discover things tomorrow that will rightfully piss her off, and I don't have the right to overwhelm her with those. She needs to discover by herself and decide how to respond to it. At that point, I will yield to her, I promise you. But I don't have the right to take this away from her."

I stretched and rose to my feet. "Besides, I can use the rest. We still have many hours to go, so I really need some sleep afterwards. Less likely to trip over my sword and skewer myself that way."

He grinned. "Fair enough." The guy actually seemed to begin to like me, and the feeling was mutual. I suppressed my guilt as I engaged him in random conversation and the occasional playful banter. Eirwen would tell him after she found out, that I had no doubt of, but I wasn't sure how. And I had no idea how he would respond to that knowledge. But that would be tomorrow's problem. Today, he deserved a relaxed guard shift, and that I could help him with.

And tomorrow, I would have to face the truth. If only so that I could be there for her better, and maybe, just maybe... I buried my hopeful feelings. I had no right to those. Just help Eirwen, that was all I could control, and more than I deserved.