Chapter 3.1

Eirwen had no idea how much time had passed by the time there was a knocking on the door. The doorguards communicated in whispers before turning their attention to her. "Your Grace, the honourable Bethan is here to see you. May she enter?"

She gave an absentminded nod, still holding onto the mental embrace, not wanting to focus. The doors opened briefly, letting Bethan enter. The woman had a thunderous appearance, though it softened the moment she laid eyes on Eirwen. She clicked her tongue in disapproval. "This won't do, your Grace. We need you shining bright tomorrow. Come, let me take care of this."

Eirwen leaned forward, letting Bethan put both hands on her face. She closed her eyes as the healing abilities touched her skin and eyes, undoing the visible damage the tears had done. The warmth brought more tears to her eyes, more sobbing. With a sigh, Bethan pulled back. "This really won't do." She turned to the doorguards. "You two. Out." The two looked at Eirwen, who quietly nodded.

As the two left, Bethan clicked her tongue once more. "Is he still listening?" She nodded. "Then tell him to get out as well. We need to talk, and he has no right to listen in on that." There was an inquiring feeling in Eirwen's head, which she emptily confirmed against. Reluctantly the presence withdrew, including his senses. The room now indeed was without eavesdropping.

Bethan shook her head, a sad look in her eyes. "I can't believe you two. Did you really think you wouldn't be impacted by this, just because the war is over? I told you, a mental wound also needs its time to heal. And even if it seems healed, it's like a scar, it can still hurt on a bad day."

Eirwen sighed forlornly. "There's nobody left to threaten me. Why can't I just be healed? Why do I have to live in fear, even though that man is gone? I saw his head, Bethan. He's dead, and yet he still controls me." Tears came up once more. She closed her eyes and felt Bethan pull her head closer, until both touched.

"Listen, Eirwen. It is a serious injury, even if it's but a mental one. You mustn't rush your recovery. Opening the windows and listening to such horrible sounds is the equivalent of running into combat the day after almost losing your arm. You need to take it easy. Recovery is a slow process, and there will be days where you need to make a step backwards, to remain standing at the end. That mask of yours cannot last forever."

Bethan was right, she knew that. But that didn't make it any easier. Eirwen pulled back and looked at the ceiling. "He and Pertrellan both blame themselves for it, but wasn't it my fault to begin with? I could have just assigned hidden surveillance, people that could be trusted to step in if needed."

"I'd argue that it's partially his fault as well. He could have refused you, advised you differently. But he was too eager to be of use to you, buried his concerns. Plus he is too used to seeing you stand strong. Your masked fooled him as well, Eirwen."

"Oh great, so I ruined his image of me as well. Just the thing I can use today. And what do you mean, I fooled him? The man who knows everything? He even knew about your new apprentice, Bethan. How does he not know how much damage I'm hiding?"

Bethan shook her head. "Because he wasn't there, your Grace. There is only so much his spies and senses can tell him. That you were there when your parents were murdered? There is no way he could know that. Only four people are alive who know, and none would ever have given that away." She looked at the fireplace, seeing the scorch marks of the fire Eirwen had let blaze earlier. "And if he doesn't know, he can't take it into account, not properly. All he can do is guess."

Eirwen blinked. So what, she should tell him? Drag up her pain, just so he would know exactly how to treat her as a brittle figurine? As if Bethan could read her mind, the healer sighed. "It's just my advice, your Grace. But yes, he can't act on it if he doesn't know. If you want to avoid a situation like today, you should at some point inform him, at least roughly, about how exactly you were mentally wounded, and the event that made it worse."

Eirwen could feel her blood freeze as she went back to that second time. It had been there at the back of her mind, but she had been able to pretend otherwise. Now she remembered fully. A snarl came to her face. "He should know about the second time."

"He wasn't there. They came against orders and he had no idea what exactly they did. Do you honestly believe they'd have told him the truth? We didn't tell him either, only the basics. Not everything."

The fury that she had burned up before, came back to her mind. Outside, his senses hesitated before carefully retreating from her fury. "He was their commander! He should have known what they were up to, what they did! He should have stopped them!"

The healer shook her head once more. "He didn't. To his credit, he sent the head of his personal guard to ask us, and we refused to tell him everything. So there is no way he could have known what transpired exactly, or how close they got to you."

"He should have." Anger made place for tears. "He should have. They died and he could have stopped that, if he'd known." Eirwen looked at Bethan, her eyes pleading, but for what, she had no idea. "They died in front of me, and I could do nothing to save them."

"I know. And he executed the culprits for it." Bethan's voice sounded both cold and warm. Eirwen blinked. That was new information for her. Bethan sighed and responded with sadness. "We told you, didn't we? That you'd never have to worry about them ever again. The details, those we kept to ourselves. But yes, he executed them. And then he left their bodies behind for us to exact vengeance on. Which the people did."

Bethan placed a hand on Eirwen's face, kindness in her eyes. "You didn't need to know the details, you had been through enough. But yes, he killed them for what they did. And while he may have claimed it was for murdering civilians, we both know that he'd have found an excuse to kill them even if their only crime had been trying to kill you. But he had no idea how close they got. Now I won't tell him if you don't want him to know, but you should let him know eventually. He can't help you heal if he doesn't know what wounds you carry."

A smile broke on the woman's face. "Now how about we work on that face of yours, your Grace? We need you looking fresh, not swollen from tears. Let's keep the tears between us, alright? Your people need you just as much as you need him right now." With a small nod, Eirwen approved, letting Bethan return to gently healing her face. She did need him, as much as she wished she didn't. As much as she wished she could just let him go.