Chapter 27.2

Time flew by and it became exceedingly clear that they were as prepared as they could be. Eirwen announced their formal departure date, and it surprised none that this would be two days after the next time her weapon master would spend the evening with others. All now knew Eirwen's motives and understood them, even if it felt strange.

Before that, there was one last thing to do. The prospect knights had proven themselves worthy of the faith put into them. Eirwen called for a dubbing ceremony, made extra special by having both a Duke and a Duchess as her witnesses. As she looked upon the knelt knights wearing their best, she felt proud of their results, and grateful that they were pledging her their loyalty.

"You have served this territory well, keeping order even when during the war order was hard to find. And while your previous ruler sought no knights, none can deny you would have been worthy of the position even then."

Eirwen paused, her eyes and senses taking them all in as they stayed knelt before her. They held their faces smooth and expressionless, but she could still see the small signs. Shame at the reminder that they had stood with a treacherous liege against her. Pride that she acknowledged their abilities. Nervousness, as if they still couldn't believe this day had come.

"You have been taught well these past weeks, learning the various techniques that I want all knights in my territories to wield. While you still have much to learn, so do we all. You have the skill and talent to grow further, and I am proud you will do so in my service. I command thee, you who knelt as soldiers, rise as knights. From this day forth, you will serve the West and be permitted to wear the coat of arms of both Iceheart and Verglas, as well as your own. May your blades bring glory and peace."

Later that day, with help of the communication crystal, she formally promoted both her shields to a higher rank. "Comtesse Seren Pertrellan, Comtesse Aoife Carraig. May you protect my domain well in my absence. I have full faith that together, you will keep both Verglas and Iceheart safe from all opposition." And with that, the final preparation was done.

That evening, Eirwen found herself slightly intoxicated in her office, too stressed to sit. Instead, she had parked her head in Aoife's lap, talking about this and that, until they ran out of conversation subjects. Until Aoife no longer could avoid showing her concern on her face.

She twirled her fingers through a lock of Eirwen's hair. "How are you holding up? I know why you're doing this, but it still can't be easy. And, uh..." She was hesitant all of a sudden. "I, uh, have seen the way you look at him, how that has been growing more intense with every passing day. It feels as if you're slowly beginning to lose control."

Eirwen laughed wryly. "You're absolutely right. I figured that as long as he had enough control to reject me, I could bear the brunt of my own desire. But no, even with the new training regime, my own self-control is slipping every day." She felt like her eyes were turning dark, confirmed by the worried look on Aoife's face. "I don't know how long I can persevere before I order him to give in to me."

Silence fell as Aoife struggled with thinking things through. She idly kept playing with Eirwen's hair, probably not even noticing the mild blush on both their cheeks at the moment of intimacy. It didn't help that both of them were already intoxicated and frustrated enough to lack full self-control.

Eventually, she settled for a playful suggestion. "So knights still aren't an option? Why not your doorguards? You've got one of each, so maybe that will confuse him enough. Besides, he's including both women and men in his activities. Turnabout is fair play."

Eirwen shook her head at that. "He'd still have problems with that. So would I, to be honest. They have seen me at my most vulnerable over the years. Depending on them that way just feels selfish."

"Ah, fair. I was also going to suggest disguising yourself and carnally enjoying a night in town, but there's no way nobody would realise. And the crown's already looking for ways to call your reign in question. If they found that out, all of society would gossip, claiming you're trying to produce a bastard."

That was true. Anything to delegitimise her. It brought another thought to Eirwen's mind though. "A bastard, huh. Honestly, it might be the best solution eventually. From his, that is. But not any time soon."

She realised her error when she saw pain flash through Aoife's visage. That comment had been a mistake, made to someone suppressing her feelings for both of them. Loyal as she was, both as subordinate and as a friend, the thought of the two of them happily raising a family was bound to lead to complicated feelings. And Eirwen desperately wished there was a way to protect Aoife from that pain.

As for Aoife, she put that aside with a comment meant to distract both of them. "Maybe just ask him for a suggestion? I'm sure he's put thought into it at some point, guilty as he constantly feels. I've seen the looks he gives you in private, his emotions entirely bare. You could ask anything of him, so why not ask for who he'd recommend?" She tilted her head. "Or do you think that even then, there's no options he would be able to accept?"

"You. Only you. The only thing he'd tell me is not to break your heart." Aoife's eyes opened wider for but a count before she got control of herself. As for Eirwen, her heart felt tight. A part of her tried to hold herself back, swallow the next words, but failed miserably. She had to get this out.

She reached for Aoife's face and brushed away a few hairs. "It's ironic, if you think of it. I refuse to send him to you, my rival. My heart wouldn't be able to bear it, not when the two of you carry such intense feelings for each other. Yet the only one he would accept is his own rival for my heart. Your mutual feelings are my enemy, yet our mutual feelings are the only thing he could permit."

It took her but a few counts to realise she had given away far more than she had initially intended. Aoife caught on sooner, proving that she too wasn't overly drunk yet. As she struggled to find words, Eirwen quickly reached out to her beloved weapon master.

I messed up. I let slip that we have feelings for Aoife, and that I know she has for both of us.

She felt the mental equivalent of a breath hitching. Then a struggle of emotions, showing just how far he had pushed himself the past weeks. It took him multiple counts to push back his own jealousy and reach a stable state. Just a quick answer in turn.

"Don't break her heart."

He withdrew and Eirwen brought her full attention back to looking up at Aoife. Ah, she had been caught. Aoife grimaced. "You just talked to him, didn't you? And, what did he have to say?"

Eirwen wanted to speak but found herself too embarrassed. That was not an emotion she had expected to feel. How peculiar. She put her shame aside and forced the words out. "Exactly what I expected. That I shouldn't break your heart." She stroked Aoife's cheek, who subconsciously leaned into it before withdrawing with an embarrassed blush of her own.

Both of them sat in silence, resisting the urge to distract themselves with another drink. Eirwen studied her beloved friend's face, who was clearly collecting her thoughts. Random blushes, grimaces, hitched breaths, painted a clear picture. After Eirwen's confession, Aoife was going through her memories, trying to think of the signs she had missed or ignored. And what she had betrayed herself.

Even after reaching her conclusions, Aoife still needed time to gather resolve. Eventually, with a massive embarassed blush that made Eirwen want to kiss her, she managed to get some words out. "When did you realise?"

"My own feelings? After we cut into his neck together. Seeing your hurt at the idea of losing him, made me hurt more for you than for myself. That's when I knew. And then I realised he felt the same. I discussed it with him soon after."

There were touches of despair and indignation in Aoife's voice as she responded. "That's already two months ago. You've known that long? And my feelings for you? Don't tell me you caught on back then already?"

As much as Eirwen wanted to take it easy on her, truth was likely the best option here. "He did, to be precise. He'd been spying on everyone so much with his senses, he even observed the look in your eyes. I know, it's a bad habit. He's stopped doing it once the delegations left. But knowing it, it was impossible for me not to notice the looks you'd sometimes send my way. It broke my heart, seeing how much you longed for me."

The tear falling on her face came as a surprise. She had always known Aoife as strong. Her hurt expressed as rage, not in tears. Which meant that right now, Aoife was hurt worse than ever before. She reached up and wanted to speak, but a hand covered her mouth and another took hold of her wrist, then held Eirwen's hand against Aoife's cheek anyway. 

You're right. It's not fair.

That causes Aoife's eyes to open wide, not having thought of that option to communicate. It only made her sob more in silence, while she leaned into Eirwen's hand. For about half a moment, Eirwen kept silent, before she spoke mentally once more.

I'm sorry, I really am. It didn't feel right to confront those feelings, especially when we haven't even settled our own towards each other yet. But as a result, all of us just fell further. I saw your love and pain and both hurt me, knowing just what I was doing to you. Unlike him, I don't get to hide behind not knowing just how deep you felt, because I did.

The hand on her mouth turned into a finger hushing her lips, and she fell silent mentally as well. There was only one way she could support her beloved friend right now, and that was by giving her time to work through her feelings. She watched in silence, gently stroking Aoife's cheek and ignoring the tears that were falling onto her arm and face.